What should We Do with Old People?

As I watch my parents struggling to take care of their aging parents the question, "What is the point?" often creeps into my head. It is impossible not to notice the similarities between the care that these aging people require and the care that an infant requires. People in our society pay big bucks to have their parents kept alive in homes where they're wheeled everywhere and show little sign of consciousness. But why do we pay for this? Are we repaying them for the care they showed us when we were infants? If so it doesn't make much sense. When we were infants we were full of potential, we were in training to be something, somebody, someday. But the elderly have seemingly no potential, they have already been, they are no longer contributing to society, and keeping them alive any longer just seems like a waste of money.

This is probably the reason why we use the word burden when we talk about our elders. They are a burden because there will be no payoff for prolonging their life. Notice you will never hear the word burden used when someone speaks of their child. No, a child is a blessing despite requiring the same type of care that the elderly do. So then why do we take care of them? With the amount of money that it costs there must be something within us that urges us to do this.

As I said before I'm sure many people reason that they should take care of their parents as a sort of repayment for the care that they received from their parents when they were children. This reasoning is severely problematic however as it misses the real issue here.

Love.

Our parents cared for us out of their love for us, not to begin some system of retribution that they could profit off of later in life. To cheapen their love by likening it to some sort of payment plan just shows how muddled our conception of love has become. If we think that our parents took care of us expecting repayment in the future then do we also take care of our kids so that they will one day take care of us? Do we love our kids so they will love us back? Do we love others so that they will love us back? Oh what a sad picture of love this is. One that is based on selfishness in its need for reciprocation and on guilt in feeling that it needs to be re-payed.

I think that our aging parents may be our last chance to understand love if we haven't gotten it yet. We have kids, spend 20 years pouring into them awaiting retirement when it can be all about us, finally. Then, not long after, we are presented with a new challenge, our aging parents that need us. Unlike our children however they are difficult to love. People say there is nothing like the love they feel when they look into their child's eyes, but have you ever heard this said of a crippled old man?

Nevertheless we are faced with a choice. Whether or not we will look after our parents is not the choice. The choice is whether our care will be offered out of love, or out of repayment and guilt. Make no mistake about it, this will be a challenge. This love will not be the easy, good feeling love that is rewarded by reciprocation, feels good, and comes easy. No this love will hurt. It will test all the other things we love. It will be expensive, time consuming, and emotionally and physically draining. But this is the love that we desperately need to learn. The love that is sacrificial, the love that hurts, the love that cries, the love that will empty every selfish thought from our being. This is the love we need to prevent us from falling into our self absorbed bubbles.

May we cherish the elderly among us and the opportunity to learn the type of love that they offer us upon their exiting of this increasingly individualized world.

We need to give this love far more than the elderly need to receive it.